Little Arguments
by Burnmoon
Summary: "Dammit Ryuzaki, you are such a spazz!" The detective looked thoroughly wounded, snapping, "I am not a spazz, Light-kun is the spazz!" "Yes you are, you are the spazz of spazzes! You are the greatest spazz in the world!" Being cuffed to someone isn't easy. A collection of one-shots. T for language. *points to Light*


**IDEAS **

**THAT NEED STOPPING**

**RIGHT NOW**

* * *

Light grinned as he saw L, the world's greatest detective, asleep in his chair. Watari had made a run to the store for more sweets, and L had fallen asleep soon after. Who knew he was capable of things like that? Well, time to take the opportunity. This was going to be too fun. He nudged Matsuda, saying,

"Hey, Matsui. I'm going to scare Ryuzaki, watch..."

The fellow policeman nervously shifted around, saying,

"Uh, are you sure, Light? Ryuzaki can get reeeaaal unpredictable when you startle him like him that. I mean, once he is asleep he is out, but if you really want to..."

The teen only shook his head, smiling,

"Oh, cool it. I'm sure that nothing bad will happen to me. I mean, come on, when was the last time any of us had any fun around here? It will be funny to watch okay?"

Light held up the chain to make little to no noise, and he crept around the detective and raised his arms, in preparation to slam them down on his shoulders and get a good reaction.

"_Light!_" The auburn-haired teen jumped and spun to meet his father, who was shaking his head in disapproval with his arms crossed firmly. Light made an exasperated look and motioned to the detective, hissing,

"I'm just going to wake him up!"

"No. You shouldn't be scaring your superior like that."

"My sup- Are you kidding? Do you know what is like to be cuffed to... to _this_?!" Light motioned wildly to the scraggly-haired detective crouched on his hair, at the moment oblivious of Light's sinister intentions.

"No, but I do know you can't do things like that. If you want to wake him up, try doing so _nicely._" Light muttered something under his breath in frustration, and clapped a hand on L's shoulder, drawling,

"Hey! Ryuzaki, wake up, we still have-"

"_What?!"_

Ryuzaki spun and kicked his assaulter squarely in the chest, watching as they flew back into Soichiro Yagami, L flying forward with them. Oops. It was Light. The detective jumped to his feet, brushing off his jeans and shirt casually. Right now the teen was laying sprawled on the floor on top of his father, the breath knocked out of him and gasping for air like a fish out of water, clutching his chest. His dad staggered to his feet, sighing, and the detective sheepishly said,

"Oh. Um. Light-kun, Yagami-san, are you both alright?"

Soichoro Yagami exhaled, running a hand through his hair and nodding, saying grimly,

"Are you prepared for a rant?"

"A rant? Although that is an odd question to ask, yes, I suppose I am. Will you please tell Light-kun to not sneak up on me like that? By the way, Light-kun, 7%."

Well, the elder Yagami had no time to scold Light on such things as Light was suddenly on his feet, fire in his eyes.

"_GODDAMMIT RYUZAKI, THAT FRICKIN HURT!"_

L looked at him incredulously, objecting,

"Light-kun, I apologized already."

The teen strode up to the detective, snarling,

"Damn it, Ryuzaki, you are such a _spazz!_"

L looked thoroughly wounded, snapping,

"I am not a 'spazz'! Light-kun is the spazz! 15%!"

"Oh yes you are! You are the _spazz_ of spazzes! You are the greatest spazz, I have ever met!"

"Well, maybe Light-kun was the spazz to begin with and he infected me with such spazz-iness! 20%!"

"Oh, don't even _try_ to blame this on me, Ryuzaki! YOU KICKED ME IN THE CHEST!"

"At what did Light-kun do last week and a few days afterward?! Punch me in the face! Not once, not twice, but _three times! 30%!_"

"Don't you dare try playing the victim here! You _kicked me in the face three times as well, you idiot!"_

L's eyes flashed, and he spat,

"After Light-kun punched me! _After!_ There would be no reason to kick Light-kun if he had not tried to cause bodily harm to me! _KIRA_-kun, _50%!_"

This went on for what seemed like forever, the two arguing viciously until finally Soichoro Yagami had the sense to break it up before someone got hurt and calmly put himself in-between the two quarreling geniuses, saying firmly,

"Okay, okay, break it up now."

Deciding to turn to his son first considering that he started it, he said in a low voice,

"Light, calm down and be quiet. It was an accident. And say sorry."

"Accident my ass! He probably did that on-" The teen suddenly shut up when he saw his father give him that look. Arrogant as he was, he knew better than to argue when his father gave him _that_ look. Scowling, he muttered,

"I'm sorry, Ryuzaki, for calling you a spazz."

The elder policeman turned to Ryuzaki next.

"Okay, Ryuzaki. I trust you know what to do, of course."

The detective looked smug, saying,

"Yes, of course Yagami-san. Now that Light-kun has apologized, out of the kindness of my heart I will learn to forgive and forget him for throwing such obscenities... and fists... at me. I forgive you, Light-kun, and I trust you have learned your lesson. Listen to your father and be a good boy and assist me with the Kira case once more. Because of your apology I have lowered your percentage to 15%."

Soichiro Yagami looked at him incredulously with his eyebrows raised, Light shooting him obsidian, poison-tipped daggers with his eyes. L looked a bit confused, until a look of realization crossed his face and he happily said,

"Oh, alright, Yagami-san."

The policeman looked relieved, until L announced,

"That was an inaccurately high percentage Light-kun. I have decided to bring you down to 10%."

With the whole taskforce looking at him, the detective looked confused again, tentatively saying,

"7%? 5%?"

Light examined his hand, purring triumphantly,

"They want you to apologize, Ryuzaki."

L snorted, saying,

"I don't need to apologize, as I already have. Light-kun was in the wrong, as expressed, and I was in the right. There is no need for me to be sorry."

"Why you-"

L turned his back to Light and his father, stepping up on his swivel chair and acquiring the position he liked so much, yanking on the chain to hint that Light should get back to work.

_Childish and hates to lose indeed... _Soichoro Yagami groaned inwardly.

"Yes you do, Ryuzaki."

The detective turned his head to the elder Yagami, giving him a look that said that he was wondering why in the world this man was questioning his decisions was he clearly thought that there was nothing to be sorry for.

"I'm afraid not."

"Hmmm? Whats going on here, gentlemen?" An elderly voice asked.

L's eyes widened slightly in approval as Watari arrived with a whole assortment of sweets, jumping from his seat again to pluck a whole grocery bag dedicated to donuts before trotting back to eat.

Light seethed, hissing,

"Ryuzaki kicked me in the chest and refuses to apologize!"

The elder Yagami grunted,

"They had a little bit of a squabble."

L looked sheepish, and started explaining himself calml in some other language, his eyes shifting accusingly to Light. Watari returned the statement in the same language, his voice firm. The detective gave a little hiss, babbling a little angrier this time. The exchange happened for a few minutes until L's eyes widened and he started objecting in the language, but was cut off when Watari repeated his word again. L spat something else before turning to Light, seething.

"I apologize Light-kun, for kicking you in the face."

Light's face lit up, and he said,

"Oh, I'm sorry Ryuzaki, I didn't quite hear you. What was that?"

L's face darkened and he leaned forward to say it again, until he yowled,

"_I'M SORRY, LIGHT-KUN, FOR KICKING YOU IN THE CHEST!_"

Light yelped and fell off of his chair, and he snapped,

"Are you serious?! Can't you just say sorry like a normal person?!"

"Oh, Light-kun, I'm afraid I can't hear you!"

"God, do I hate you! Just be civilized for a second and-"

"Why doesn't Light-kun just admit to being Kira and get on with it?! You cause me so much stress!"

"Oh, _I_ cause you stress?! You are the one who cuffed me to you! I don't cause you stress, you cause me stress!"

"Still waiting for a confession, KIRA-kun!"

"I. AM. NOT. KIRA."

Watari sighed and rubbed his temples. This was going to be a long investigation.


End file.
